The story of my conversion is a story of a day and the story of a life. The day is over and gone, long ago, but the life, which pivots around the day, is ongoing.
A real, life-long journey
“The mark of faith is not tradition; it is conversion.” G. K. Chesterton
The day opened to the familiar rhythm of a 12-year-old girl’s school life: a warm and dry morning in the Carolina Piedmont, a Wednesday.
Sometime in the morning, I rose from my desk to walk around on an errand to another part of the schoolhouse. Perhaps to take the lunch count for my classroom to the cafeteria, perhaps a walk to the restroom or the gym. Something routine for an obedient, respectful child the teacher trusted. On the way back to the little room where I learned about mathematics and worked on the middle school newspaper, I passed from a dark hallway into a glass breezeway, the sky blue above me, light surrounding me. In that instant, something dormant as winter inside my soul unfurled, and spiritual truth became clear to me: my state of being as a sinner, alone and vulnerable in a world I was just beginning to understand. I needed, and knew I needed, a relationship with Jesus Christ. Raised in a Christian household, this knowledge was familiar. But in that moment, I felt the Problem and the Answer — to all of life — in my soul.
Looking back, I see this moment as the beginning of my soul’s rebirth, which I believe brought me to a state of grace: a condition free from mortal sin, in which one rests in the favor of God and enjoys unmerited divine assistance.
Unmerited divine assistance: walking into the light of day from a dark hallway and recognizing a thirst for God’s salvation.
I walked back to my classroom and spoke to my teacher, who told me to sit in the hall and think about things: Did I want to make a commitment of my life to Jesus Christ? This was a decision to make with one’s head, not one’s feelings. I sat in the hallway, she said. I discussed this question with a fellow student, who at that time, also wanted to be ‘saved.’ We had an honest discussion. Everyone thought I was a good girl, she said, and they didn’t much like me for that. I told her I did not feel that I was any better than I anyone else; that, in fact, I knew I was a sinner and needed help from God to be good at all. We agreed that we wanted to pursue a relationship with Jesus, but we didn’t know how to proceed. We went back in the classroom to our teacher, and she sent us down the hall to our basketball coach and science teacher, who led us in a simple version of the Sinner’s Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
I was born again.
Joy flooded me, and I begged to call home, to speak with my grandmother on the telephone and share this good news. I cannot forget and never will forget the absolute pull on my soul to share this thrilling moment of salvation with the one person on earth I loved best. I dialed home, standing in the school office: Granny, I have just asked Jesus to save me! I am saved!
You really have it, now, she said. I can hear her voice, bright and confident, even now, in my mind.
October 30, 1996.
Many years have passed; at the time of this writing, almost three decades. Granny has joined the great Cloud of Witnesses who are absent from their bodies and present with the Lord, but her words reverberate: I still have the gift of new life I received that day when a new heart started beating in my soul, a heart that will never stop its rhythm of grace.
So. I am still here, but the world is very different. In 1996, the year I was born again, William Jefferson Clinton was president of the United States, the Taliban took control of Afghanistan for the first time, there were only 100,000 websites in the world, about 20 million people had access to the Internet, a Motorola StarTAC flip phone cost around $1000, “Macarena” was the number one hit song and “Seinfeld” was the most popular TV show. In 1996, the New York Yankees, Chicago Bulls and Dallas Cowboys all won their respective championships, and Jay-Z, the Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys released their debut albums. It was the year of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus,” Tickle Me Elmo, Beanie Babies, Nintendo 64 and Space Jam. A gallon of gas cost $1.23, a dozen eggs cost $1.31, and a new home cost around $166,000. Sometimes, when I look around me, I can barely remember that other, childhood world and who I was in it.
As these decades have rolled by, my loved ones have passed like Granny or have grown older, and I have married and moved away from the Carolina Piedmont. There is good and bad in every journey, and in every corner of the world, and I have experienced my share. Ever present in the background of my life, like the ticking of a well-built clock wound up regularly, is the change time brings to us all. As I have grown through these changing times, I have made mistakes, exerted my own will, wallowed in ingratitude, faced my own cowardice, surrendered to excess, and stumbled through my own faults — this would not be an honest accounting without mentioning these shortcomings — that I admit are failures in my Christian life. Yes, I have failed Christ in many ways, but He has not failed me, and in times of sadness and sin, as in times of success and satisfaction, He has used everything in my experience of life to show His mercy, His power, His wisdom and His real and constant love to me. Hallelujah!
Times have changed. What has not changed is the love and acceptance and mercy shown to me by a wonderful God, who reached into the heart of a young girl at school and saved her soul.
I have changed. What has not changed is my humble but real commitment to Jesus Christ, His Spirit at work in my heart, a relationship that has grown with me and deepened and has, in fact, made me who I am.
I would not change that relationship for anything. I did nothing to deserve His love or salvation. I accepted His freely given gift of Life, and it has centered me, kept me and seen me through.
I pray that my words here will inspire anyone reading this, who feels a thirst for salvation like I did in that breezeway so long ago, to reach out in faith to Jesus without delay. There is no finer Friend than Jesus, no better King, no kinder Lord, no truer hope. And today is the day to take hold of the new life He is offering you.